The Life of Francesco Forrest

A Witness by his Parents, Mark, and Muriel

Muriel had an amniocentesis at John Hopkins University, plus genetic counseling - it was a package deal -  she couldn't get the one without the other.   She and Mark wanted to know if their new baby had John's condition because the needed time to find a doctor who would agree to do the surgery no matter what.   Often such tests and counseling lead to abortion, the death of a child.  In this case it would lead only to life. Muriel said, "These genetic counselors asked if Mark and I had considered other options, which obviously included termination.  We told them, 'God has given us the gift of life and we'll protect that life as long as we have it.'" Mark added, "They took us into a room to tell us the test results.   It really disturbed us when, in addition to the results we needed, the added, 'Do you want to know if your son, by chromosomes, has a learning disability?'   I told them, 'I don't think you will ever understand.  We are pro-life.   We're here to find a doctor to operate on our son.  We're not here to have a list of other problems.'" To Mark and Muriel, genetic counseling is absolutely irrelevant if you're pro-life.

   "We're telling this story," Mark said, "not to tell you we're better parents than others, but because Muriel and I are committed to life.  We will take a call 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, to help a parent in the same circumstances."  Mark explained further, "Some of our regular friends said to us, 'If you know there's going to be a problem with this baby and you already have a handicapped child in a wheelchair, why are you putting yourself through this?  Why don't you just get rid of the child?'"

Mark and Muriel battled on and today have pledged to take any couple through the stages they went through, give them moral support, put them in touch with a priest for spiritual help and find the doctor needed to extend and defend the life of their unborn child.

    One week before the test results came in, Mark and Muriel learned of a doctor who would perform the first surgery no matter what the test results were.   This was wonderful news.  Even better news was hearing the baby did not have the genetic defect of his brother.

    "We looked forward now with some hope, joy and anticipation to the arrival of our baby," Muriel said.  "Details were worked out and labor was induced on the 12th of August.  Significantly, our obstetrician said he was happy because this was the week of Our Lady's Assumption into Heaven."  They knew the chances for their baby to live were less than 10 percent.  And performing the first surgery didn't mean the baby would be an automatic candidate for the second and third surgeries.  Mark said, "You can put a child through tremendous pain and then have it not qualify for more."

    One of the doctors told the Forrests when they asked about statistics, "Statistics don't matter when it comes to your own child.  If the surgery is successful, then the statistics for you are a 100 percent success rate.  If the surgery is unsuccessful, then for you as a parent the statistics are 100 percent failure."
    The baby was baptized immediately upon delivery.  They named him Francesco and he was the biggest of the three Forrest boys, weighing just short of eight pounds at birth.  "He was big and he had a very loud cry," Muriel declared.   "We were thrilled with him - he looked absolutely wonderful, especially after we'd been warned that he could die instantly at birth with this heart condition."

    The plan was for the baby to be taken immediately to ICU, put on life supports and given a drug to keep the heart open, thus tricking it into thinking it was still inside the womb while the doctor did new echo studies.  Mark and Muriel waited the three long hours while the greatest number of doctors took the longest time ever in that hospital to do a heart examination.  Then they consulted and six hours after birth they came to Muriel's room.  The news was bad.  Francesco did not have a right hypoplastic heart.  He had a left hypoplastic heart.  There was no pulmonary artery and the aorta was one eighth normal size.  They discussed the options, now not nearly as good.  Surgery could be considered, or a heart transplant, or they could do nothing at all.

    This surgery would have to be performed elsewhere, either in Michigan or Boston.   The surgery could cause a stroke or cardiac arrest and brain damage because of the small aorta.  Mark admitted, "Our hearts were torn apart as we received this news.  We asked about a heart transplant and they said they'd have to transplant a new aorta also and this made it almost no option at all.  When the doctors left the room, Muriel and I decided we wanted to spend time with Francesco and enjoy him.  We'd keep him on life supports and the next morning have his godparents come.  Francesco was alert.  He'd open his eyes.  He was not like an ill child at all."

    Muriel added, "He had big dark eyes and he would just take you in with his look.  Through our John Patrick, we had learned that these babies who go through numerous medical procedures suffer terribly, especially when in ICU, where their parents can't hold them.  We wanted to spare our baby as much as possible.  We believe God wants every baby to be happy, to be loved and to feel loved.  God wouldn't want Francesco to go through extraordinary pain to be with us just an extra day or two."

    Mark and Muriel got together with two doctors they trusted, the two who were pro-life and who who they knew cared deeply about them.  They asked both, "If you were Francesco's parents, what would you do?'  Dr. Lorraine was still considering surgery but Dr. John said, 'At this time, I'd just let God take his son back."  Mark insists that couples going through something like this must be united in making their decision with very good doctors.  "You must look at this as a moral concept, a spiritual concept and for the sake of the child."

    Next morning, Dr. Lorraine told them, "I prayed about it last night, I spoke to my husband about it, I cried about it.  As hard as it is for me to say, I would absolutely do nothing."  Mark had prayed all night for a unified decision between the doctors and now he had it.

    The next decision to be made was whether and when to take Francesco off the drug that was keeping his heart open.  The child could live, statistics say, from three days to four weeks.  They decided to keep him on the drug until after the christening.

    "It was the most beautiful experience," Mark said.   "They gave us a little room and Francesco was all attached but he was in our arms.  He was not only baptized.  We also had our child confirmed.  And our son, Francesco, with the bishop's permission, received the Eucharist for the first three days he was alive.  This was one of our greatest joys.

    Muriel continued, "At the christening, Mark and John were thrilled to see the baby.  Mark put his hand on Francesco's head, took Johnny's arm and said to me, 'Mommy, we're three brothers now.'  After our baby son received Jesus, the doctors came in and removed the medicines that were going intravenously into his umbilical cord.  That was one of the most painful moments for us.  But the joy was that we could hold our son now.  He looked so well and he seemed happy.  Those hours were a peaceful and holy time."

    The Forrests hadn't told their son Mark, that the new baby might not be well.  No one had said a word to him about this, even when the baby-sitter told him he had a brother named Francesco.  Yet when Muriel called to talk to him after the birth, an extraordinary thing happened:
    "When Sue put Mark on the phone he said to me, 'Mommy, are you still in the hospital?'
    '"Yes, Mommy's still here.'
     '"Is Francesco there?'
     '"Yes Francesco's in the hospital with Mommy.'
     '"Mommy, is Francesco very sick?'
     '"Yes, Mark, Francesco's very sick.'
     '"Then, as if he already knew, he asked, 'Mommy, is Francesco going back to Holy God?'  Children do have great wisdom."

    The Forrests stayed overnight in the hospital again, sadly listening to the sounds of joy all around them in the balloon-filled rooms of the other new parents.   Next morning they decided to get discharged and go home.  The greatest difficulty now for these grieving parents was watching their son take his bottle, look up at them, grip their fingers like other babies, yet knowing he wasn't like other babies and they could do nothing to save him.

    They worried about how the boys would react to what was happening when they took the baby home, especially John, who is blind but aware of all that goes on around him.

    Muriel said, "I had been sad seeing the other mothers leave with their babies, but now I was grateful when we had that chance.  When we arrived home we realized we needed help with this terminally ill baby.  The hospital suggested we ask the hospice care nurse to come every day to keep track of Francesco's vital signs and tell us how long we still had with him.  The Sunday after our discharge, the hospice nurse came.  Our Lady was good to us.  Our prayers were answered.    The nurse was a beautiful person, a very good Catholic whose husband was a deacon.  She was so compassionate and kind, yet nothing could change the fact that she was there to support our dying child.

    "This was brought forcefully home to us when she asked us to sign a form that, by law, we had to sign.  It is called a "Non-resuscitation form" that allowed our child to die at home.  Thus, if we weren't here and someone called 911, the baby wouldn't be resuscitated.  It was terribly painful - to see that document that I was signing.  I felt an overwhelming pain and responsibility and I kept praying, 'Dear Lord, is this what you want me to do?'"

    Mark continued, "Before leaving the hospital, I remember coming out of the baby's room and the nurse started telling us how many ways in which our son could die - fluid in the lungs, congestive heart failure - the list went on and on and I could only pray, 'God, just get me out of here.  Just get me our.'"

    They gave the baby a drug to help keep the fluid out of his lungs so he could breathe easier.  "We also had to limit the food he took," Muriel   said, "and mothers of new babies who are very hungry know what that's like.   He was always hungry but we didn't want to overload him with fluid."   Muriel took a deep breath before continuing. "After I saw the form and the nurse came to examine him on Sunday morning, she suggested that although there was nothing imminent, the baby was beginning to look dusty, meaning that the circulation was not that great in his extremities, especially in his legs.  This was an indication that the duct in his heart would be closing soon.  I will never forget that feeling of panic.   Suddenly I realized we were at the point of no return.  We had come home, stopped the drug, signed the paper.  There was no going back."

    Muriel said they had prayed to Blessed Mother and they had felt her with them very strongly up to that point.  "But suddenly I felt terribly alone.   I said to the hospice nurse, 'What have I done?'  I called Mark into the room and asked him to call the doctors again.  I wanted to be sure we'd done everything we could.  I didn't know if we'd done the right thing and I needed to talk to them again."

    Mark called Dr. John.  "The only case scenario Muriel and I were discussing was the heart transplant.  I knew we'd have to get our child back to ICU, hooked up again to drugs and flown off across the country for the surgery.  We thought we'd dealt with this but we had to give it our last shot.  I had to support Muriel and I knew if I did nothing, later on in life it would haunt me, always wondering, 'Did we do everything?'

    Mark explained to the doctors that he and Muriel thought that it would all go downhill but it didn't.  He told them, "We have this perfect child, he is in our arms and he's laughing and doing everything a normal newborn would do."   Dr. John said he would make some calls but Dr. Lorraine talked to them for over an hour, convincing them once again they were doing the right thing.  She gave Mark and Muriel peace again in their decision.

    Muriel added, "During those hours when I felt very alone and confused, I kept praying to Our Lady that she would show her hand.  I didn't think I had the strength myself to go through even two more hours like that.  I told her, 'Please Blessed Mother, you must show us what Jesus wants because I don't know.   Align things the way your Son wants them."  Indeed, she certainly did.   These conversations took place about three o'clock on that Sunday afternoon and when we knew the right decisions had been made, the baby started to slip."

    "He was breathing about 98 times a minute," Mark said, "and his heart rate was extremely high.  We could see it and we knew that he was in pain.  His extremities were growing cold and when we laid him on the bed he began to get limp.  The heart is amazing.  Everything in the body will shut down in order to get oxygen to the brain.  That's exactly what was happening.  I called our family physician and asked him to come.  While he was there, Dr. John called and told me, 'Mark, I've been praying and in all honesty there should be no heart transplant.'   When I explained what was happening to Francesco, John replied, 'The decision has been taken out of our hands.  Our Lady and God are bringing him home.'"

Now Muriel picked up the story.  "At that point, we both felt a tremendous sense of peace.  Our family doctor is also a wonderful Catholic and he came to our home with his wife, with my parents, my brother and Mark's brother.  We all gathered around the baby and prayed and prayed.  Francesco's godparents came and spent a little time with him and kissed him good-bye.  They have young children and we asked them to take our eldest son, Mark, home with them.  Mark was very aware of what was going on so we told him that Francesco was going to live with Baby Jesus and he would need to say good-bye.  He did.  We captured it on video as he said good-bye to his little brother and popped off quite happily to our friend's home.

    "That evening we sat in our room," Muriel continued.   "I held the baby in the rocking chair with our family and friends gathered round, praying,  It was very powerful."

    Mark said, "We prayed for about six hours.  A very kind priest who was at the baptism gave me a book of the sick and the dying and we prayed from that.  Our child grew colder and colder.  He started crying and was unhappy.   Holding him was now pushing his lungs together.  Muriel suggested the two of us take him upstairs.  We put him between us on our bed.  I didn't want to see him breathe his last.  He'd look at us as if to say, 'Dad, can't you do anything?   Mom, can't you do anything?' and he was crying.  We'd touch him and say, 'Don't worry, Francesco.  Everything's going to be fine.'

    "At three o'clock that morning we still had him between us.   I had this fear that he would die with his eyes open and I'd always be left with that image in my heart.  I thank God that at that moment Muriel and I must have gone to sleep for two minutes.  Muriel tapped me and said, "Mark, I think he's gone to God."  Our doctor who had stayed up all night and prayed now came up to our room and pronounced Francesco dead."

    "It was the most peaceful and holy moment of our lives," Muriel added.  "Here we were holding a baby who was now in Heaven.  The feeling in our room was incredible.  If I close my eyes I can paint angels filling the room.  We didn't feel that terrible loss or terror that I'd anticipated.   Instead I felt close to Francesco, that he was still with us.  I knew that the little body I held in my arms was just the tabernacle of his soul and that soul was most certainly in heaven.  Even the grandparents found it to be a very spiritual moment, one we'll never forget."

    Mark concluded, "Holding Muriel's hand at the wake, I told her I felt a great joy, a tangible joy.  This joy continued through the Mass of the Angels, which was celebrated by many priests.  So this is the story we wanted to share with you - the story of Francesco - five beautiful days and five beautiful nights with an angel we know is in Heaven.  Francesco, in five days, touched more people that I will in a lifetime."

    Mark and Muriel ended their story by telling of the reconciliation and other good fruits that took place between people who prayed together for Francesco.   Muriel said the stories continue to come in.  Mark then explained the "Divine economy of prayer".  He said, "All our prayers go into a big pool and God decides which prayers go where.  But never is there a prayer in anyone's heart that is not answered.  Several times we prayed for our baby to be healed.   And we felt the power of your prayers for his healing.  All those prayers were answered in God's way.  From my own heart and from Muriel's heart we really want to thank you for your gift of prayers."

    Mark concluded, "God gives all the gift of life.  What we do with that life is our gift to God."

    We can all help the Forrests pay their medical bills, and help ourselves as well, by purchasing Mark's cassette tapes and CD's.  His incredibly beautiful voice will gift you with God's presence.